[FSUG-Bangalore] Duplication of standards: OOXML approved..M$ Bought ISO Process..

[Anivar Aravind]

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Bill Gates is new Secretary-General of ISO
==========================================
Phew, just managed to file it before 12PM!
http://osindia.blogspot.com/2008/04/bill-gates-is-new-secretary-general-of.html

Bill Gates is new Secretary-General of ISO

In a dramatic development, Bill Gates of Microsoft has taken over as the
new Secretary-General of ISO. The outgoing Secretary-General, Illbeser
Vile said that since most of the ISO members now belong to Microsoft,
this is the most appropriate course of action.

Announcing his ascendancy at a press conference, Bill Gates justified
the takeover of ISO. "Just as George Bush invaded Iraq due to WMD
(Weapons of Mass Destruction), we have invaded ISO for approving a WMD
(Weapon of Monopoly Destruction) called ODF (Open Document Format).

"For 26 years, we have been one step ahead of the world, constantly
changing the file formats to suit our whims and fancies. Then one day we
woke up to find that governments are embracing ODF. This had to be stopped."

Flicking the dandruff off his suit, Gates said that he has been itching
for action ever since he stepped down as CEO of Microsoft. "I built two
great monopolies in Windows and Office but it got kinda boring. I went
off on a retreat, called all the M$ top-shots to the table and asked,
"What's the next great monopoly that we can build?"

After three days of intense discussion, the M$ guys finally said, "Why
even care to build products, when we can monopolize standards itself?"

Speaking to the press, Microsoft's VP for Interoperability, Wescroo U
said, "Now we are back to where we belong - bang in the center of the
universe! There was a time when the desktop world used to revolve around
Microsoft. Then these pesky Internet startups like Yahoo, Google and
Facebook turned up, making us looks like fuddy-duddies. Once we control
the standards, we'll see what happens to the sky-high stock valuation of
some of these companies."

Speaking to investors, Gates said that controlling ISO was the ultimate
business model. "Now we don't even need to build products ("we were not
very good at that anyway, just look at Vista!") Our new strategy is:

1) Drive adoption of our standards
2) File a thicket of patents around it
3) Sit back and collect royalties or sue the buggers who don't pay up.

If the software business was a 80 percent margin business, this is a
pure-cash play," Gates told salivating Wall-Street types. "Then why have
so many employees?" asked a shiny, bald-headed guy in a pin-stripe suit.
Promptly, 40,000 out of 50,000 Microsoft employees were fired, sending
Microsoft stock into the stratosphere, where it finally overtook Google.
The remaining 10,000 employees were reassigned to frantically create
"standards" or file patents around them.

One Microsoft minion patented the English language. Everytime, the press
asked a question in English, Microsoft was a few dollars richer. The
Queen was reportedly furious about it but there she could do little
about it since England is now the 51st state in the United States of
America. Another Microsoft factotum patented the right-hand drive as
well as the left-hand drive. Microsoft lawyers promptly scurried around
halting traffic on the streets and collecting royalties from bewildered
commuters, ably assisted by the traffic police, especially in the banana
republics around the world. The only exceptions were the rebel outposts
of China and India, which refused to toe the Microsoft line. To
neutralise these pesky, non-Microsoft standards compliant (read
"spineless") countries, Gates and co, told investors that they will
foment a war between the neighboring countries. "That will teach them
how to be standards compliant," sniggered the man whose net worth was
now half the GDP of the world.

"Is there no limit to your greed?" asked a reporter asked a journalist
in an awed whisper. "No. Our aim is TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION(TM)," said Gates.

Watching this on his TV in the Oval Office, George Bush secreted
unmentionable substances into his pants. As a foul odor pervaded the
White House, Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice, whispered into the
President's ears, "Don't worry sir. If nothing else stops them, we can
try nuclear deterrence."

NOTE: The sequel to this is coming soon to a multiplex near you. Tickets
will cost double since the movies will be encoded in Microsoft's
proprietary WMA format.

ADDENDUM: Gates said that he is also going to unveil an April Fools Day
joke on the world called called OOXML. However, since there are some
well known date problems with the OOXML format, it will be unveiled only
on April 2nd, 2008. Get ready for the Microsoft Tax!


-------------------

ISO official pressrelease not came out yet. But see the news items
below. This is not part of April fools joke



How philipines Changed its vote from no to Yes
http://www.groklaw.net/article.php?story=20080402003610230


The France Shift From No to Abstain -- HP helped Microsoft France do it
http://www.groklaw.net/article.php?story=20080331212042460


Formal Protest Filed Asking that Norway's Vote Be Annulled & KEI Statement
http://www.digi.no/php/art.php?id=517414


What Really Happened at the BRM for OOXML & Who Attended
http://www.groklaw.net/article.php?story=20080328090328998

India's comments on BRM to ISO
http://osindia.blogspot.com/2008/03/indias-comments-on-brm-to-iso.html